My Blog

.. 2020 .. 2019 As I pulled up to the Y near my home, I noticed the parking lot was full. When I came in I said to the guy at the desk, "The lot is full of New Year's resolutions." He laughed. It's true. When you're younger it's all, "I'm gonna give up smoking. I'm going to exercise more. I'm gonna eat organic,  be s vegeterian.  I'm gonna lose 30 pounds." And on and on. When you're older you realize that lasts, oh, maybe a couple of weeks and then you're back on the couch, smoking, eating bon bons, cookies,  gaining weight and not exercising, at all. Don't get me wrong there are people who lose a hundred pounds, exercise, become vegan, and change their whole lives. And you see them everywhere. For most of the rest of us? It's part of that but mainly it's back to the couch. When I was about twenty I noticed something. I was a bank teller out in Los Angeles snd sgsinin NY with a bunch of grumpy, I'm ...

Some subtropical mild winters' depression hits harder than others, and in many ways I think I'm still struggling to get beyond the horrible mental place I was in a year ago and the two before that. Lost my family, job and life for all practical and intensive purposes. This past winter has been tough in lots of ways, but it feels more like a period of physical rehabilitation, recovery from a minor stroke, hit-n-run accident and transition than one of despair.  As it is, I've pulled back from life in all sorts of ways this winter as I've attempted to reach some sort of stable ground,  blogging and social media has taken a massive hit in the process.  Its hard to not feel like a failure when you're 39 years old (I stopped counting at 39 yo (it's my 28th anniversary 9/11) and moved back in with your parents, and I' ve tried but I think it's something I needed in order to think beyond bare survival, as a homeless and I'm so grateful they've NOT...

A song made me think of my grandmother. The song was Stranger On The Shore by Mister Acker Bilk. Don’t know it? Not to worry I couldn’t name you anything else he’s done. This was a sleepy sounding instrumental done by a guy in a bowler hat who played the clarinet. But. It was the biggest selling song in the UK in 1962 and it was played a bunch here in the US. Tears stream fown my facebook as I tupe this up,  she was my 'mom' for all practucsl and intensive purposes,  she rsisex m de as her own on behalf of my biological mothers her daughter Jovina Silva. Jovina left Brava CV when I was 3. I didn' t see her again still I was 9-1/2 in Brooklyn NY. I heard it the sing first coming out of the radio in her kitchen. I was seven. My grandmother’s name was Eugenia. Eugenia Clementine Pina. In my whole life I’ve never met another Eugenia. I've meter another Jovina. I’m going to go out on a limb here and guess you haven’t either. Names were different back then, less...

 Abou Ben Adhem Abou Ben Adhem (may his tribe increase!) Awoke one night from a deep dream of peace, And saw, within the moonlight in his room, Making it rich, and like a lily in bloom, An angel writing in a book of gold:— Exceeding peace had made Ben Adhem bold, And to the presence in the room he said, "What writest thou?"—The vision raised its head, And with a look made of all sweet accord, Answered, "The names of those who love the Lord." "And is mine one?" said Abou. "Nay, not so," Replied the angel. Abou spoke more low, But cheerly still; and said, "I pray thee, then, Write me as one that loves ...