My ExWife’s Disturbing Past With Her Brothers, & Teachers,  has Haunted Our Marriage. 

My Exwife made a shocking confession about her brothers, and I can’t get it out of my head.

My wife bravely has confided in me she was orally sexually active with her older brothers for 20 years (give or take). This also continued in school with teachers and brothers' friends. She ran from home and left him right before she arrived in my state. She cut communication for three years. We’ve decided to be radically honest with each other, but unfortunately, that means I know everything we do in bed came from him: fourdomes, threesomes, filming, fetish fellatio for hours, every dirty thing that my wife amazed me with was all taught by her older brothers. I can’t seem to move past that. They were kids when this started—he was a young teenager, whore and she was even younger. I know it’s not her fault, and she was abused. But she has talked to him a few times in secret, and once read a text saying “I can’t get you out of my head.” I now feel like the woman I live to serve and love will never crave me or enjoy me more than her secret abusive lover. I am drowning and don’t want to let this hurt ruin us. What the hell do I do?

I can’t get this out of my head. 

I mean, this is a sexual relationship that started so early in her development. Abuse shaped her during formative years. If she were hung up on her brother, it’d be understandable if she hasn’t been treated. I understand this situation is extraordinary and complicated, but there is a degree of acceptance required from our letter writer: Your wife’s past is her past. How she learned what she learned may raise your hackles, but you can’t change it—you can only deal with its effects.

Our writer will never replace the brotherand that’s a good thing. The healthy relationship between spouses is an entirely different situation, with different feelings and different reasons to participate.Betterreasons to participate.Rich: I think this situation is going to require a tremendous amount of care and patience because it is so extraordinary. She may need decades to heal, and the process might be tough. Regarding how incest may affect development, I read this in a

Counseling Today: Understanding and treating survivors of incest“:“Early onset of incest along with chronic exposure to complex trauma contexts interrupts typical neurological development, often leading to a shift fromlearning brainsurvival brain(brainstem)

functioning. As explained by Christine Courtois and Julian Ford, survivors experience greater activation of the primitive brain, resulting in a survival mode rather than activation of brain structures that function to make complex adjustments to the current environment. As a result, survivors often exhibit an inclination toward threat avoidance rather than being curious and open to experiences. Complex trauma undermines survivors’ ability to fully integrate sensory, emotional and cognitive data into an organized, coherent whole. This lack of a consistent and coherent sense of self and one’s surroundings can create a near ever-present sense of confusion and disconnection from self and others.”

I Can’t Overcome the Curse of the Well-Endowed Man. 

I’m a single mother in my late 40s interested in getting back into the dating game following a two-year hiatus. Im an abuse child and have had only well endowed boyd and men. As someone who spent most of his 20s involved in dancing in gentlemen clubs and making pornographic movies, I’ve spent my 30s normalizing sex and relationships. As a Woman who loves an extremely well-endowed man, I came to accept the idea for a long time that he would never serve more than one purpose to a woman and that a serious, committed relationship was just not in the cards for him and me—that it was essentially a novelty act for curious women. I don’t want to give a potential male partner the impression that sex is unimportant to me, but I also don’t want to feel like I’m being used for that one specific reason either,  I have fetidhdized this,  I love worshipping for hours. After so many instances of a dating woman 'til she can find out for herself if bigger really is better, or not I’m starting to lose hope that anyone will ever see me as a legitimate partner and not just a fun story to gossip to their friends about. How should I approach the subject without scaring off a potential partner?

So it seems you want a man whose reputation precedes,  himself.  No dick is so big that it has to precede his entry into a room, at least with properly fitting pants. I suspect that commodifying his  body or yours may have affected your perception of your worth or his. If you have more to offer than a love of fellatio or he has more to offer than a giant schlong, then offer that stuff upfront. Foster emotional connection. Go on multiple dates without having or even talking much about sex. To do so will not necessarily imply that you are uninterested in sex, just that you’re interested in a relationship being about more than just sex, which is exactly what you are in this stage in your life. You are not just about fellatio and he's not just an enormous penis, he's just a guy who has one—and you love infinite fellatios --show who you are as a person and let your ferish about and his endowment be a bonus to those like you,  who like that sort of thing.